Lost in Time – Why Living in the Future or Past is Costing You the Present
You’re at your desk, trying to finish an important project, but your mind is elsewhere.
You’re thinking about the email you sent yesterday - was the tone right? Should you have phrased it differently?
Or maybe you’re already in tomorrow - worrying about that meeting, anticipating how it might go, running through a mental script of responses.
And before you know it, the day is gone. Work was done, but were you really present for any of it?
For so many professionals, our working days are spent mentally time-travelling, bouncing between past mistakes and future anxieties. The result? Chronic stress, exhaustion, and feeling like no matter how much you do, you’re always behind.
Distraction, overthinking, and emotional fatigue erode decision-making abilities, reduce efficiency, and fuel chronic stress. In leadership, performance, and workplace culture, the ability to engage fully in the present is the difference between reactivity and resilience, exhaustion and innovation.
So why does the brain do this? And how do we break free from the mental time-travel that keeps us stuck?
Why Your Brain Struggles to Stay in the Present
It’s not just you - your brain is wired this way.
From a neuroscientific perspective, the human mind evolved to predict danger and learn from past mistakes. This was once essential for survival. If you could remember where the threats were and anticipate challenges, you had a better chance of making it through.
This created two dominant cognitive patterns:
Future-Focused Thinking:
The brain scans ahead, constantly predicting and preparing for what might go wrong. We can call this response ‘anticipatory anxiety’ and while this can help with planning (and at times boosting performance in discrete instances), it also creates chronic stress, overthinking, and the inability to switch off.Past-Focused Thinking:
The brain also replays past events, searching for mistakes or missed opportunities. While useful for learning, this can lead to cycles of self-criticism, second-guessing, and emotional exhaustion.
These mechanisms are adaptive, but in a high-pressure, always-on world, they can become overactive. The modern workplace, social media, and constant digital stimulation hijack these systems, keeping our minds locked in a loop of worry and regret.
The result? We’re rarely present for what we’re actually doing. This drains energy, reduces cognitive performance, and leads to decision fatigue, mental burnout, and the feeling of being constantly behind.
The Psychological Cost of Mental Time Travel
The research is clear - when our minds are constantly drifting, it negatively impacts our work performance, emotional resilience, and mental well-being.
1. The Trap of Living in the Future – The Illusion of Control
Many professionals believe that by constantly anticipating problems, they can avoid them.
“What if I miss a deadline?”
“How will I handle that difficult conversation?”
“Once I finish this, then I’ll be able to relax.”
This creates the illusion that if we just anticipate every possible issue - ‘scenario planning’ - we can control the outcome.
But the frustrating (and painful) truth is that the future is unpredictable. No amount of overthinking will guarantee certainty, yet we burn through mental energy trying to grasp it.
And the irony? Always thinking ahead means we’re never fully engaged in what we’re doing right now.
2. The Weight of the Past – The Pain of Overthinking
On the flip side, professionals often get caught in cycles of self-criticism and second-guessing.
“I should have handled that meeting differently.”
“I can’t believe I made that mistake.”
“I should be further ahead by now.”
This pattern doesn’t help - it simply reinforces stress, self-doubt, and imposter syndrome.
And when guilt or shame is involved - whether from a failed project, lost opportunity, or mistake/incident - it can distort our sense of time even further. It’s hard to move forward when part of you is still mentally replaying what’s already happened.
How Trauma Distorts Time – The Unfinished Past
For some, living in the past isn’t a choice - it’s a survival response.
“Memory is like fiction; we select, we discard, we shape, we distort, and we make it up to suit ourselves.”
– Haruki Murakami
Trauma doesn’t just leave emotional scars - it rewires the way we experience time itself.
Neuroscientist Bessel van der Kolk explains that trauma disrupts the brain’s ability to place memories in sequence. When traumatic experiences remain 'unprocessed’, the brain and nervous system cannot recognise that the past is in the past.
This is why certain triggers - a smell, a place, a song - can pull someone back into a memory as if they are reliving it in real time.
Rather than experience memories as ‘there and then’, traumatic experiences are experienced (triggers, flashbacks, emotional hijacking) as ‘here and now’, being relived in the present.
And trauma is subjective.
A child who grew up in an unpredictable home, never sure whether today would be safe or chaotic, may develop the same hypervigilance as a soldier returning from combat.
A teenager bullied at school might find themselves, decades later, still anticipating rejection in friendships and workplaces.
A person who experienced abandonment in childhood may struggle to trust others, feeling the pain of past losses in every present relationship - making it hard to trust, collaborate and delegate at work.
Trauma doesn’t stay in the past because it was never fully processed. Instead, it lingers, distorting our sense of time, keeping us trapped between reliving what happened and fearing it will happen again.
The Science of Presence – Why the Present is the Only Place We Can Live
Harvard researchers Killingsworth & Gilbert (2010) found that the more our minds wander from the present, the less happy and productive we are.
Nearly 47% of the time, people are thinking about something other than what they’re actually doing.
Even when daydreaming about pleasant things, people were still less happy than when fully engaged in the moment.
Those who focused on what they were doing - no matter what it was - reported greater life satisfaction.
This means that happiness and productivity don’t exist in some future outcome - they exist in how engaged we are right now.
Why This is Matters – Presence, Performance, and Leadership
Mastering attention and emotional regulation isn’t just about well-being - it’s about performance, leadership, and sustainable success.
For us as individuals, it enables:
Greater clarity in decision-making
Stronger emotional resilience under pressure
Increased productivity and reduced burnout
For our businesses, it enables:
Teams that operate with focus, presence, and efficiency
Leaders who make better decisions, faster
A workplace culture that values deep work over constant reactivity
In a world where distraction is the default, the ability to stay present becomes your competitive advantage.
How to Reclaim the Present – Practical Shifts to Break the Cycle
When we recognise that your brain’s default setting is to scan for danger, we can appreciate that being present isn’t just a state of being - it’s a psychological skill that requires practice. Left untrained, the mind will likely drift toward problem-solving, anticipating risk, or replaying past mistakes.
This means that being present isn’t about shutting down thoughts, but learning to focus on the here and now - fully engaging with whatever is in front of you, instead of being pulled into an imagined past or future. It’s about actively redirecting your attention, again and again, like training a muscle.
Here’s how to cultivate the skill of presence in everyday life:
1. Recognise When You’re Time Travelling
Most people don’t realise how often their mind leaves the present. It happens automatically, without permission.
The first step is noticing where your mind is:
Are you stuck in anticipatory anxiety about what might happen?
Are you ruminating about something that can’t be changed?
Is this thought helping you take action, or is it just making you feel worse?
An helpful tool to do this is through The Worry Tree - a self-check-in flow chart:
Is this something I can control?
Yes → Take one small action and move on.
No → Acknowledge it, let it go, and return to the present.
2. Train Your Attention to Stay Here, Now
Since your mind is wired to anticipate what’s next, staying present takes active practice. You don’t need to sit cross-legged on a meditation cushion for hours - presence is something you can build into daily life.
Try these:
Use Physical Grounding
Your body is always in the present, even when your mind isn’t.Take three deep breaths, noticing the rise and fall of your chest.
Feel the weight of your feet pressing into the floor.
Run your hands under cold water or hold a warm mug of tea.
Engage the Five Senses
Instead of getting lost in thought, redirect your focus to the world around you:Look for five colours in the room.
Notice four different sounds nearby.
Feel the texture of your clothing against your skin.
Practice "Single-Tasking"
When you’re eating, just eat - notice the textures and flavours instead of scrolling on your phone.
When you’re in a conversation, listen fully instead of rehearsing your response.
When walking, notice your surroundings rather than thinking about what’s next.
Use “Micro-Pauses” to Reset
Before sending an email, take a slow breath and notice how you’re sitting.
Between meetings, stand up, stretch, and shift your posture.
When a task is done, take a moment to acknowledge completion instead of rushing to the next thing.
These small, everyday adjustments retrain your brain - moving you out of autopilot and back into direct experience.
3. Drop the Need for Certainty
The biggest reason we get lost in time travel? The mind hates uncertainty.
We replay the past because we want to undo mistakes.
We project into the future because we want guarantees.
But life doesn’t work like that. Trying to control what’s already happened or what hasn’t yet happened keeps us mentally stuck.
Instead, practice:
“I’ll handle it when it comes.” Instead of mentally rehearsing every possible disaster, remind yourself you have the skills to adapt.
“That was then, this is now.” If an old mistake, regret, or fear resurfaces, ground yourself in the present.
“Right now, I am safe.” If your nervous system is on high alert, send it a different message.
Presence isn’t about eliminating thoughts - it’s about learning how to stay engaged, even when those thoughts are there.
Life is Happening Now
What if instead of waiting for ‘someday’ or replaying ‘yesterday’, you fully engaged with today?
What would change?
The next time you catch yourself lost in mental time travel, ask:
“What’s happening right now, in this moment, that I don’t want to miss?”
Because life isn’t happening in your memories or your plans - it’s happening right now.
