When Pressure Hits, Who Shows Up?

I want to talk about something that comes up a lot in my work with clients, and something that affects all of us.

Meet Your Inner Team 

Ever caught yourself thinking:

“A part of me wants to say yes, but another part isn’t sure”?

That’s not just a turn of phrase.
There’s some deeper things going on in your mind.

Internal Family Systems (IFS) is a therapeutic model that helps us understand inner conflict and competing desires. It shows us that we all have different “parts” within us. Like members of a team, they each have a role, a voice, and a history.

Some common ‘Parts’ that show up in my client work are:

• The Perfectionist, who shows up before a big presentation, obsessing over every detail.

• The Inner Critic who replays every mistake after a difficult meeting.

• The Problem-Solver who jumps into fix-it mode the moment stress hits.

• The Protector who tells you to keep your head down and avoid risk.

• The Overachiever who pushes you forward, even when your tank is empty

These parts aren’t flaws, they’re survival strategies. Each one formed to help you cope, protect you from emotional pain, and get you through tough moments when you didn’t have many other options.

Over time, some become so dominant, they start running the show without you even realising. They’ve been in the driver’s seat for so long, they feel like you.

But here’s the truth:

Not every part is meant to lead.

Each part has its own role, rooted in specific fears, beliefs, and intentions. And while every part has its place, leadership is about knowing when to let a part step forward, and when to step back into the seat of conscious choice.

Because when one part takes over - especially under stress - you lose perspective.

You don’t respond with intention. You react from habit.
You don’t choose your actions. You repeat old patterns.

And the cost? Clarity, creativity, connection and often, the very outcomes you’re working so hard to achieve.

Viktor Frankl, Psychoanalyst and Holocaust Survivor put it beautifully:

“Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.”

IFS teaches us that in that space lies something deeper than your parts - your core Self.

Leading from the Self

According to Schwartz, we all have a core Self - the calm, wise, compassionate leader within us. No matter your past, no matter how strong your internal critics or protectors, your Self is always there and cannot be damaged.

He describes the Self through eight qualities, known as the 8 Cs:

• Calm

• Clarity

• Curiosity

• Compassion

• Confidence

• Courage

• Connectedness

• Creativity

And when the Self is leading, it shows up with five additional strengths, the 5 Ps:

• Presence

• Patience

• Perspective

• Persistence

• Playfulness

How to Lead Under Pressure

Here’s a simple 4-step process to tap into your Self and shift how you respond under stress:

1. Pause. Catch the moment. Notice you're activated.

2. Identify and label the part. Is this the Critic? The Pleaser? The Fixer?

3. Get curious. What is this part trying to protect you from? (It always has a positive intent.)

4.  Choose who leads. Can you respond with clarity instead of panic? Compassion instead of criticism? Strategy instead of survival?

This isn’t about silencing or getting rid of parts. It’s about building a relationship with them  - so they trust you, the Self, to take the lead.

The Leadership Advantage

In high-stakes business or personal moments:

• When a client gets frustrated, will the Defender snap back, or will the Self stay calm and curious?

• When you get tough feedback, will the Inner Critic spiral, or will the Learner step in?

• When you're facing exhaustion, will the Overachiever push harder, or can your Prioritiser and Self work together to set a boundary?

Awareness creates choice.

Choice creates leadership.

And leadership starts within.

This Week’s Reflection:

As you move through your week, ask yourself:

“Who’s in the driver’s seat right now?”

What do they want for you?
Are they helping, or just reacting?
Can you bring a little more awareness and agency to this moment?

The more you practise, the faster your inner system learns to trust you, not just the parts that kept you safe, but the deeper Self that can help you thrive.

Let me know what you notice, what part tends to take the wheel when the pressure’s on?